- Hemp fabric, clothing,cultivating mushrooms,silk screening, dying fabric, and organic clothing.
I also have begun my interest in off the grid living. I suspect that I am dreaming or planning for my future life. I have looked into Yurts and believe that it will be my home of choice. So, looking this year 2010 what do I most definitely see happening? Graduating from college with a MA in Counseling in the Spring of 2010. Do I see myself completing my work towards Licensed? I am skeptical about that. I really want this upcoming year to be a turning point for me. I'm hoping to leave the rat race, which I'm desperately trying to avoid already by not finding work, and desperately want to move out of the city life into the off the grid life. I do not have the desire to work long years unhappily in any job. I just ended three years unhappy, I couldn't imagine myself continuing down this path. However, completing my degree was important for me, to feel that I set out that goal long ago and it has finally been accomplished. I could care less about working for anyone else again. I will rather remain broke and poor, then sell my soul to another unhappy job. I have attempted to look for work, somewhat but I haven't been able to find anything worth my time. Again, I would rather not have anything new in my life until I find some place worth my time. I believe that the right job will come if it is meant to be, or when I pray enough for it to happen, it will present itself to me. I had an interview several weeks ago, hoping that I would be hired part time at a shelter, but they haven't called. Probably, being that I was terminated from my last job, that will forever hold a dark light over me. Unfortunately, the job was only part time, and hour away, and paid only $9. If anything I am not doing it for money, it would be to get myself back into a working pace, and related to my education level. I'm finding that because I choose to take out loans, I do not have to work, it's not life threatening at the moment. However, I believe that the loans will at some point be paid off. I somehow have this knowing that it will all be taken care of, that I am able to take care of myself in each moment as I need, and that everything that I need in my life will come exactly at the right time. As well everything that isn't in my life isn't there because I don't need it at that time.
- As far as my class, I'm glad it's completed. What I really learned is that I really get frustrated when working with others. I also really could care less about class participation. I hate it when other people don't listen to what I have to say, and when other people think they know what they are doing when it comes to group work. This last class group we received a 100 for participation, but I could tell clearly that the other group did a better job. For one, they followed directions! My group procrastinated until the last minute to get started on the project, and then when we met up, I already had my part completed. But no one really listened to what I said which was "I did my part already, and I'll do some more additional work for the presentation, but we are not leaving out what I already started. I found that one of the guys in my group, didn't even listen to what I said about the work already done, and assumed that I was going to throw that work that I already researched out. then I had communication issues with other people, and really it's was fucking bullshit if you ask me. I didn't even want to do that topic in the first place. I found that it's best not to have a plan, and to be as flexible as possible when working with other, because everyone will have their own idea. But for me I deal with my ability to assert myself in a group situation, which I struggle with verbally. I often feel that I like to plan ahead to ease my tension, but then when I get to the group, I do not always have the opportunity to discuss what has been on my mind. I also felt that the others wanted to do the presentation in a particular format, which I had already thought about ahead of time, but then they wanted to do it their way anyway. This was particularly frustrating, because I realized that no one other then me looked at the syllabus to see what the professor was asking us to answer. This where we failed as a group. My slides were on target, with answering the questions, but everyone else just managed to provide general information about the topic. The real problem is that the group was lead by someone who thinks they know what he was doing, but essentially not. He did do a good presentation, of his slides, but I felt as far as making sure that the details were more in line of answering the questions that the teacher wanted us to do, was not. Sometime, I think that others are too closed minded.
- I did learn about Psychotherapy. I am able to understand more about what treatments are out there for particular disorders. What I learned is that it's very important that we see what research says about effective treatments. This is very important that we are aware of what is out there, and that this is always changing. One of the things that I noticed especially just in my group, because I had some problem presenting a slide with information that I wanted on EEG. Part of our assignment was to present information on alternative treatments for ADHD, and one alternative treatment is EEG. it has receive much media attention, and has been said to be compared to be as effective as medication. Another reason I've been interested in EEG is because my husband has Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy, and it is an alternative treatment. it look promising. When I initial discovered this information, it was a NASA video that designed a video game for youth with ADHD. I mentioned this to the other people in my group, and they were very judgemental. Oh video gaming is very bad,etc.. Well I looked further, to convince them to look into it, so that I could at least present it, because at this point I knew that if it was controversial, we could have a discussion about it. I also wanted to be creative and have a class discussion. No one in my group wanted to use the information related to EEG, or use my discussion. They even outwardly said they removed my video, and asked me to not include that slide. Well Fuck You!! I'll be damned at that point. So, I condensed my slide, but still presented it. However, we didn't watch the video or have the discussion. Ask me what I'm learning about Psychotherapy? Shit, I'm learning more about these people that I really am beginning to have difficulties working with because they are being so ignorant! It's hard to stay focused on the actual subject and assignment when dealing with these group situations. this is exactly what I isolate myself in class, and rather not response or share my thought in class. For starters, my thought are not up for discussion. When I speak it's most likely a statement, and unless it's not factual information, it's just an opinion to anyone else. I particularly myself am not interested in opinions.
- Another assignment was to do a discussion group. We had to identify our top five Christian principles. I for one am not a converted Christian. i may become one, and I may not. However, I still am aware of GOD, and just because I am not Christian I still have the ability to have a personal relationship with God. This is a concept that I think that Christian people who are believer, have trouble dealing with. They think that people who are not believers ,in Christ, do not have a relationship or know God. They seem to not understand that God exists outsides of the context of their religion. This is something that I am becoming aware of by being in this college. How do I gather this? From the reply of other students. It would seem to me that one would be limiting themselves by only working from Christian framework, and only with Christian clients. Perhaps, they do not see it this way. In fact, it probably is convent for them because they will already have this basic relationship from which they can relate to in the context of therapy. The Christian counselor can relate the their client better if they come from a similar understanding, and belief. But it really isn't up to the counselor to impose their belief onto their client. I'm seeing that one would run into a lot of problems coming from this perspective. I would find that it would be better to understand that clients may come from a variety of different backgrounds, and to respect these differences between them. I believe that it would be important for the counselor to leave this up to the client whether or not they would want to discuss their spirituality into therapy. this is something that I would not feel comfortable speaking with a counselor myself, so I am believing that there are many others that may be in the similar place. That's why I think by the counselor leaving out their spirituality out of therapy. Its about the client's beliefs, and something they may be different from mine. I would like to leave it there. I think that it's important for the counselor to have a good understanding of the clients beliefs so that they can help them, but only as much as they are willing to accept.
- Psychotherapy- so what have I thought of possibly doing? Leaving this field altogether if possible. If not, I have thought of EMDR. I also thought of drug and substance use. Either way there is along road ahead of me if I were to remain on this path. There are 3000 hours after graduation to get supervision. Then I have to get licensed. This is a lengthy process. I'm not sure where my future will lead. Right now I know that I'm not working, I really could care less of going back into the rat race. I'm starting to read up on alternative living, and my mind is thinking about possible alternative careers that I could do rather then continue this path. I want to break free, and I'm waiting for the right moment. It's not the same being responsible for five people. It's not like I can just get in the car and drive anymore. I have to be careful how I go about this. But I'm thinking, and I know that the guidance will come to show me the way to go. The way that in in my heart and soul, is the way I will go. I want a different life then the one I have lived now, or in the past. I want to change who I am, and how I am living. This concrete jungle in the city is not living. It is killing me, and the people in this country. I am not pleased or happy with the materialistic life. I can't wait to be in the Nature, surrounded by the trees,birds,water,and mountains, on a beautiful sky blue clear day. That is my dream, and I will do what ever I can do to get there.
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