April 2010

• I haven't recieved a CASA case yet, but any time now. I will be going to another place tomorrow to start training for as a Grace worker. Basically connecting services to people in financial crisis. I will be responsible for intake, and assessment, and approving or denying them based on policy. I hope that it will provide me experience for some future job, since I'm still not working. I had a job interview on Thursday, and don't know if I will get it yet. It is part time, but if they decide to hire me, I'm hoping it will develop into something full time. The goal is to re-establish myself working at some point, before I graduate. I'm almost completed with the Theories of Counseling and Psychotherapy class. I am somewhat displeased with the class, while most of the work I learned was reading the textbook. I could have save myself lots of money, but that's the nature of the degree, I have to pay to get the diploma. Overall, I'm my class experience is somewhat boring and I'm finding myself refraining from interacting with the class. Overall, I would rather not even go to class based on my experiences being displeasing. So, what have I learned as far as Counseling. I had to consider my theoretical orientation. It isn't an easy process. For one taking into consideration where the research is, where I will be able to get a practicum, and training after work, the emergence of managed care systems, etc. Still I need to consider what orientation that I believe explains personality and psychopathology. There are quite a few pairs, and it seems that the way to approach this is by identifying the process of change that is common to each one. For my paper I considered Existentialism, and Alderian therapy. Even after writing that paper, I'm still unsure where I'll end up, and I am okay with that. I'm trying to think now what are the most important components that I would include in my own approach would have to be :
• Choosing- The individual has the capacity to choose, and this choosing is important. To be able to make choices at every moment of our lives. The client has to choose every day what part of their life they will continue and what part they will discontinue. If they say that they want to change some part of their life, then it is up to them to do it. They will experience anxiety for not following through with something they already said that they want to change. Existentialism talks of Kairos, which is a choice point where a significant decision must be made. This part, the action part of actually taking the courage to change is not always easy, and it takes courage for someone to make the change. It may not happen overnight, and the person may experience distress during this process. Ultimately, they alone are responsible for their change.If one delays the choice, they experience anxiety.
• Responsibility- Individual responsibility for creating their life. I believe that increasing individual level of responsibility in their life. Existentialism helps clients make these changes with behavioral interventions, but encourages them to take a look at becoming more responsible. What is it that they can make changes in their life at a daily level, this week, one day at a time.
  
• Existential Guilt- this is a consequence for having sinned against ourselves. This means that they were not authentic to themselves.
• The Meaning of Life- One does not discover the meaning of life, one creates meaning out of life. What are the things that we are willing to stand for? What are the beliefs that are our foundations?
• Ideal Individual- Authentic individual making life choices that create meaning out of existence. The only value a person must follow is to be authentic is to be honest, even in the face of nothingness. When the person can be honest we can no longer predict what that person can be. What I like about this is that at this point while i am trying to discover who I am in this process, of completing my education as a Counselor, I am still open to the possibility that at the end of this I do not know who I will be. What I want to know is what are the other possibilities that I can become? When I come to the end of this path, what else is there for me to become? This is what keeps me searching, because even though I may live this life now, I know that in the future there will be a different one. What will it look like. Part of me is accepting that I am the creator of my life. It is one thing to deal with reality being that there are things that are in my life that I can't control. For now, i am not continuing to live certain parts of y life, or give them attention to the things that i can't do anything about. Like losing my job. That was a significant event. The problem is that I had a job but was very unhappy with it since the beginning. The times I was most happy was in the beginning when I thought I would be able to move up within the agency and do some additional work. They choose to deny me this opportunity, and it went downhill from there. The others that were in that environment didn't care about themselves if they did they made it, if they didn't then there was little that I could do. I found myself doing less and less, as far as being responsible for other people. I realized that each other person that was in that environment needed to be responsible for themselves, and there wasn't anything that I could do to " control" them. I realized over time that my happiness diminished and I became depressed. I also realized that I no longer wanted to work there, but I was working there because of the money it paid to support my families life at home. I could have cared less and probably should have quit long ago. but I continued to lie to myself telling myself that I should stay there for various reasons. I stayed there mainly because it had benefits and paid my bills at home. This was unfortunate, because the people that I was responsible for were quite difficult people. I also preferred the job because there was less people to interact with. It isolated me into a position where I interacted little with others. It's amazing how we can convince ourselves into believing something in order to maintain our lives, even when we are unhappy. Finally, I was terminated! I really came to a point where I was inconsistent with my work. Funny thing is some of the things they had a problem with, that were the reason that I was discharged for, were things that they overlooked me for years. I was overlooked as a staff, and under appreciated. I was never once given praise for doing a good job. They neglected me as a staff, and why should I do anything for an agency that doesn't appreciate me as a staff. they took me for granted, and used me. I allowed it to continue for too long. I am so thankful that I am no longer there. The good thing is that I am starting a volunteer work and will recieve the training that I need to be able to work again. I hope that I will find the place that I am most happy being. I know that I will not be able to stay out of work forever, but I pray that I will secure a job that I will be appreciated for. I can't stand working for or with ungrateful people.